When I was a teacher I'd tell my high school students, "There are no stupid questions!" I guess I was hoping to spark their inquisitive minds with a little encouragement. I would see a hand in the back of the room shoot up, eagerly awaiting my permission to speak. I'd call the student's name, clear my throat, and review my knowledge of the topic as I anxiously awaited the question. The question that 6 years of school prepared me to answer. Most of the time I heard, "Can I go to the bathroom?"
Spending 9 years up close and personal with the youth of America could not make me change my mind about stupid questions.
Two and a half short years of motherhood, on the other hand, HAS. Yes, my friends, stupid questions certainly do exist and they can usually be found anywhere parents of young children congregate. Say . . . at a three year old's birthday party, for example. (That's where we were last night.)
Here's how the night went . . .
And how old is Megan? this also known as the foot-in-the-door question - you know, the fairly benign question asked to gain some cooperation, followed up by the ultra-intrusive and uncomfortable . . .
So when are you gonna start trying for another baby??????
Gosh, I feel a bit uncomfortable. I thought that was between me and my uterus.
I used to respond with the standard, "Well, we've had three trips to the emergency room, two calls to Poison Control, one fall off the kitchen table, and one surgery to remove a foreign body from the esophagus. Not sure we're quite ready to add to the family just yet."
Next time, I'm gonna try, "So when are you gonna have that huge hair sticking out of your chin waxed?????" If they can ask rude, inappropriate questions SO CAN I!!!!
I think it is about time for rude, inappropriate answers to prevail.
How long are you going to keep breastfeeding???? (disapproving, ugly face)
When I've saved up enough money to buy boobs this big!
(I only did it for 6 months. Jeepers! You would have thought I was breastfeeding a teenager.)
You still let her use the pacifier???
Why yes, we do. It keeps her from cussing so much.
How long are you going to let her sleep in your bed?
Until we're not too tired to start having sex again. Duh.
(Ewww, kinda can't believe I just wrote that. I'm on a roll I guess.)
Is she still drinking from a bottle?
Yes, she prefers her beer in a bottle.
When are you going to stop giving her a bottle at night?
When are you going to mind your own beeswax?
I'm totally cracking myself up here.