Let's compromise . . .
Quit taking a shizzle in my living room,
(for the second night in a row)
and stop the unwarranted romantic gestures.
In return, I'll allow you to live in my home, instead of the doghouse I'm about to buy you for the yard.
Your wicked step-mother Lisa
P.S. John, come home from your business trip soon. Your dog is a hater and I'm afraid she's going to eat me in my sleep.