Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I'm Much Too Young To Be This Old

High risk pregnancy due to advanced maternal age????

Yeah, I couldn't believe it either when the "downstairs doc" uttered these ugly words. "But I'm really immature for my age!" I protested. He just laughed. (Strange . . . I thought that was a pretty good argument.) Apparently immaturity doesn't matter in this situation. I'm 34 years old now but I'll be 35 by the time I deliver. That means advanced maternal age.

Whatever! My age is not advanced. I know who Lil' Wayne is. When I bend over, my panties sometimes stick out from my 'cut too low jeans.' (See how fashionable I am?) I don't have an IPOD but I know someone who does. I've even used the sentence, "John, check it out, I pimped my myspace page." Would someone with advanced maternal age EVER say that? Seriously, I don't think downstairs doc knows what he is talking about.

That's not to say my life hasn't undergone a few changes lately. I'm accepting that my former "fat jeans" are now my "get used to it, you're porking up" jeans. I now consider an "all nighter" to be a night when I don't have to get out of bed to pee pee in the potty a hundred times. "Getting lucky" means being able to find my car in the parking lot. When John says, "Let's go upstairs and 'do it.' I have to reply "You'll have to pick just one. I'm too tired to do both." (That last part I made up just to make you laugh.)
I guess I'm in denial that I'm old. But seriously . . .
Would Someone With Advanced Maternal Age
Do This????
A Photo Essay

If I got my belly button pierced, would that help or hurt my case?


Jillene said...

HAHAHAHA!! I LOVED this post!! I am advanced maternal age too--not that I am haiving anymore kids. BUT--I still feel and act like I am 30!! hehehehe!!

Stephanie said...

LOL. Great post, that was hilarious.

Kate said...



At least you're not going to be in the senior center of the maternity wing.. And once you start asking me to go to Bingo, I'm gonna have to stop being Best Friend Sisters... the end.

Kirsty said...

bah to the downstairs doctor I say! Someone of advanced maternal age would never do the thigns you showed in your photo essay...maybe you should email it to him to prove your case LOL

Lolli said...

Hahaha! Love it! Especially the stuffed pants picture. Hey--we're the same age, and you (we) are completely NOT of advanced age. Geesh!

Positively Creative! said...

You are sooooo FUNNY! Loved this...you are great girl!! Loving your profile pic....FUN!! You look like someone I would LOVE to hang with!!

Amanda said...


I'm a blog (whore...stalker?) lover and found yours somehow.

Anyhooter, I thought this was a pretty funny post (especially with the pics...) and thought I'd de-lurk.

So HI!

Megan and Jon said...

I found your blog from Erins and have never laughed so hard in my life. This is a classic. Advanced age I woudl say you are certainly not..

Anonymous said...

I am cracking up. Loved this!!!