Thursday, October 16, 2008

I'm Bringing Sexy Back

Want some weight loss tips?

Who better to get them from than a reformed hungry girl who has lost 60 pounds of "thats-not-the-baby" fat?

Definition of thats-not-the-baby fat - the weight gained during pregnancy due to daily trips to Wendy's for a junior bacon cheeseburger and a biggie fry which, in turn, resulted in the "I didn't eat a healthy enough dinner" guilt which of course resulted in eating a SECOND dinner . . . only that time much healthier . . . multiplied by every day of pregnancy. Oh yeah, throw in there lots of Olive Garden pasta, Tim Horton's bagels, and a husband who said, "If you're hungry . . . EAT!"

(It wasn't all about gluttony, really. If I wasn't full I felt nauseous. I had to eat constantly to keep from feeling like I was going to throw up. If my belly was empty I felt sick. Now, I didn't need to fill it with french fries mind you. Than was a decision I paid for dearly.)

Yes, I gained a bumload of weight! Literally, a bumload. All the while I attributed it to "baby weight," assuming it would magically melt away during the birth. Imagine my surprise when they told me Megan only weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces and not the 50 I was expecting.

Now, I've never been skinny (except when I ran a billion miles a day in the police academy) but I was never FAT either . . . John said I was "a hot little number." One of the reasons I married him.

But after Megan was born, I was pretty big. To prove to you how fat I was, I've dug out some less than flattering photos.

This is my maybe-big-hair-will-make-my-bum-look-smaller while trying-desperately-to-hide-behind-the-baby pose . . . except I only had one baby and she just didn't do the trick. Where are sextuplets when you need them?

This is my black-is-so-flattering-noone-will-realize-my-backside-is-the-size-of-Texas look.

And last but certainly not least, the I'm-so-fat-schlumpadinka-outfit-cause-I'm-sooooo-far- from-cute-I'm-not-even-bothering-to-try-anymore look.

John scolds me when I'm self-deprecating. He says, "Hey, that's my wife you're talking about." He's a great guy.

He NEVER ONCE made a single comment about my weight. He told me everyday I was beautiful.

But I was FAT. I was unhealthy. That is really what it was about. I was so happy to finally be a mom but I was so ashamed of what I had allowed to happen to my body.

I actually weigh less now than I did before I got pregnant. I'm really, really, really proud of that. I've worked very hard. I want to share some of my favorite tips. I hope it helps you to feel better about yourself too. (If you're skinny and still reading this . . . I hate you. Not really)

1. Get real. Get on the scale and see what you weigh. If it is outside a healthy range for you, you don't need someone else to tell you what you already know . . . you're FAT. That is the ugly truth and there is no sugar coating it. It hurts but until you admit it to yourself, you can't do anything about it. You can't change what you don't acknowledge.

2. Decide what to do about it. For me, Weight Watchers was the plan I chose. It was flexible enough for me to nurse Megan and not worry nutritionally. My doctor recommended it. I made great friends there who celebrated successes and challenges right along with me. And it worked.

3. I stayed for the meetings at WW almost always.

4. I made a pact with myself that I would not quit. There were times I went off the plan here and there (vacations, girls' weekends) and gained some weight back. I went back to WW, faced the music at the scales, and moved on. I realized something very important. At least I was ON THE BATTLEFIELD. If I quit WW because I was frustrated (walking off the battlefield) the only thing I could be sure of was I'd never be any thinner than I was at that moment.

I'm still not as thin as I would like to be. Who is? I'm still on the battlefield. But I don't need to shop at Lane Bryant to find something that fits me. I can get dressed and feel good about myself. I feel proud of how far I've come and that means more than what size I wear.

5. I visited often for recipes, tips, and the point values for foods at restaurants. Then I stopped eating at restaurants so much. (go there, you'll see why)

6. When I would slip up and eat a giant cheeseburger, I used the motto "DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING." Don't just figure you've blown it for today and eat a bowl of ice cream. Don't say you'll start again next week. Do the next right thing. Every calorie counts - they really don't care what day it is. Trust me.

7. Ask yourself before you eat something, "Does this taste good enough to WEAR?"

8. Find time to exercise. Put on some funky music and dance with the kids. They'll love it and you'll be working out. You don't have to have some elaborate exercise routine. Just MOVE MORE. Once you're closer to your goal, you'll have to step up the exercise a bit.

8. Save a pair of your "fat jeans." I still have mine. I can fit both my legs in one of the holes. I'll take a pic and show you later.

9. Replace bad habits. Work on craft projects, scrapbooking, anything to keep your hands busy so you don't eat in the evenings. Watch less TV.

10. Don't think about how much weight you have to lose. Set small goals. Color in a thermometer of your weight loss, make yourself a bar graph. Celebrate small victories.

11. When you look in the mirror, picture how you'll look when you lose the weight rather than obsess about how big you are now. Imagine it. Focus on the positive. Tell yourself, "I'm a hot little number." Do a little dance. Sing Justin Timberlake's "I'm bringing sexy back." (Don't let anyone else see you do this..... Keep this our little secret, ok? Yeah, just you, me, and the rest of the internet. A secret.)

12. You have to eat fewer calories than your body needs. That might not always be comfortable. Quit whining and deal with it. Be tough on yourself when you need to be.

13. Don't be tempted to eat too little. (not a problem EVER for me.) Eat all your WW points. You'll lower your metabolic rate if you don't.

13. I heard Oprah say once, "Don't ever eat two hours prior to going to bed." Well Oprah, I haven't slept since. ha, ha. Seriously though, try to eat less at night.

12. Last but not least, quit eating so much damn pizza.

Now decide for yourself if you want to take diet advice from a recovering and not yet completely rehabilitated chubster.


Carrie said...

I think you look awesome! You really worked hard and it shows. You're my new weight loss idol.

Schwartz Family said...

Wow, that is really impressive how far you have come. I also was confused when I didn't deliver a 50 pound baby and kept telling myself it would just melt away. Well she is 15 months and I am still waiting! I have been trying to be more active and you just gave me a push that I needed thanks!

Tabitha (From Single to Married) said...

Good for you - and I think you still looked beautiful!! :)

La Carter said...

Well Lisa,

I think you did a great job losing your weight. Thank you for being so candid. I have been reading over your blog today and want to say, that as far as inconic status on a blog is concerned (ala Nie), you are on your way. Thank you for opening up to the rest of us in blogland!