I'm ever kidnapped by aliens or decide to run away with the circus, I've decided someone else on the planet should know how to properly put Brendan down for a nap.
Step One: Feed him an 8 oz. bottle of formula. If you're extra-talented like me, you'll use your other hand to make Megan a sandwich, your foot to answer the phone, and your other foot to do a load of laundry. Don't forget to burp him.
Step Two: Wrap him in the miracle blanket. He will not sleep without it. Then again, he won't sleep with it either. Just wrap him. I'm not really sure why.
Step Three: In his bedroom, walk around and bounce him gently while quietly whispering, "Shhh shhh shhh." If your arms get tired, you might be able to sit down in the rocking chair. Then again, you might not. Toughen up!
Step Four - After about 45 minutes of this, you might think he is asleep. HE'S NOT. Keep walking/bouncing/shhhing for at least 20 more minutes.
Step Five - Ok, he's asleep.
Step Six - Slowly, and I mean slowly, lower him into his crib. Oops, not slowly enough. He just opened his eyes. Repeat steps three and four . . . again.
Step Seven - OK, he's asleep. Ooops, no he's not. Go back to step four again.
Step Eight - Alright, let's try this again. Slowly lower him into his crib. Like, so slowly, that if people were video recording this, the only way they would be able to tell you were actually moving was to play it in fast forward. That's how slowly you need to move.
Step Nine - Attempt to delicately extricate your arms from under him. Be very careful!!! Moving too quickly during this critical phase of the process could set you all the way back to step one.
Step Ten - Creep out of his room.
Step Eleven - Awesome! He's sleeping. You now have approximately 8 and one half minutes until he wakes up. Great job!